I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
