Please, let me fuck your mom
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have post one night stand depression
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