The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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