She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
