Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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