Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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