and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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