..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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