In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
