Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
