i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
smell my finger.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
