i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
