I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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