If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
