Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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