I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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