Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
