I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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