it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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