i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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