Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
