I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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