my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
