Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
