Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
