so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
