he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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