He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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