I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
