You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i've created a new STD.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
