is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
