Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
