there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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