Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

he just said he'd buy the porn

(919): View more from North Carolina

its a step up from the last guy

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(530): View more from California

She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.

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(510): View more from California

I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend

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(425): View more from Washington

I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.

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(905): View more from Ontario

That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?

(1-905): View more from Ontario

Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.

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