He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
