Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
