don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
