Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Michael Bay diarrhea
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
