Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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