Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
