we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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