If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
