Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
