i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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