shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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