he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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