you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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