I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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