Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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