It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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