I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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