You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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