do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
