Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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