turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I touched a dick in church today
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
