why didn't you poke me back
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
