I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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