so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
