What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
