Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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